I would get up in the night nearly 4 times to pee. I would go to bed early because I was so sure that if I stayed up later I would end up going to eat more food because I was so hungry. I could feel the bones in my back against the chair in my parent's kitchen when we sat down to dinner. I was buying tiny sizes in clothes and didn’t need to wear a bra. Instead of eating food I would eat polos and drink coffee between meals. Dating was a nightmare because I couldn’t go out for food and would constantly be thinking about being home early and getting enough sleep to train the next day! I thought if I had one thing, it would send me into a spiral of eating absolutely everything in sight.īecause I thought that, when I eventually did have a piece of chocolate, or biscuit, or cake, or meal out, then I would end up gorging on endless amounts of food past the point of fullness. I think friends actually stopped asking me out for events because they knew I would say no - I honestly thought if I allowed myself to go out for food and drinks that my whole body would just go back to how it was when I was 15. I completely removed things from my diet and if I was asked out to social events I would turn them down due to getting anxiety around the food that would be there and having to work out how to explain to people that I wasn’t even having one drink.

With striving to look a certain way and getting smaller and smaller, I lost any sense of balance in my life.Įven when I look back at photos from over the last few years and think how strong and athletic I looked, at the time it was never enough. Then came working in the fitness industry and the feeling that I had to look a certain way. I’d like to think this was a ‘happy weight’ for me as an individual.

I had great balance in my life, a regular menstrual cycle, and felt great. When I first started working as a PT, my body was really comfortable sitting around 70kg, I didn’t track calories and I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was full.

I felt happy, healthy, glowy and energetic. I took a look at my eating habits and lost 3 stone.

In my final year of university, I started going to the gym and enjoying lifting weights and working out.

Lose it versus my fitness pal